DEAR AMY: For the previous few months, I’ve been relationship a man who (I believed) could possibly be “the one.”
Tonight, he informed me that as an alternative of simply being married one time (for 18 years), he was really married a second time (for 2 years). This got here out of nowhere. I used to be completely conscious of his first marriage and two children, however was fully blindsided by the revelation of the second marriage (which in his phrases was a horrendous mistake).
I do not know why he wasn’t trustworthy from the start, and I’m involved he solely introduced this as much as save our relationship.
Sure, I see the various crimson flags, however maintain seeing his “good facet.” It is what I are likely to do, and I do it nicely.
I perceive him eager to get the whole lot out within the open now. I need to encourage his honesty, however ought to I be involved that it took so lengthy to share this two-year marriage with me?
Now we have been super-open and trustworthy about the whole lot, or so I believed.
How do I transfer on trusting that there isn’t any different shoe to drop?
Do I have to settle down? OR is that this the brightest shade of crimson on a flag but? — FLORIDA FLAG GIRL
DEAR FLAG: You may obtain some readability by taking a look at this in another way.
This disclosure was provided, freely, as a method to additional your intimate connection (what you name “saving the connection.”) Granted, the disclosure ought to have been made earlier.
Your man deeply regrets this second marriage. He’s embarrassed by it. Have you ever totally disclosed your most embarrassing and regrettable episodes?
Have you ever informed him about your most horrendous mistake? If that’s the case, your individual honesty and belief might have impressed him to really feel comfy sufficient to reveal his.
Sure, I imagine it is a flag, however not essentially a crimson flag. Take it extra as an indication that you simply two are on a journey towards intimacy, and in addition as an excellent motive to not rush headlong or blindly ahead. It’s best to at all times be accountable and self-protective concerning your individual decisions.
And sure, you must ask him what different headlines he has buried.
Briefly: Belief, however confirm.
DEAR AMY: In a totally surprising and pleasant flip of occasions, a wonderful man and I discovered one another and we’ve got been joyfully collectively for a few years.
We’re each “seniors” (70-ish), with parallel experiences of marriage, youngsters, and divorce. I believe we’re each a little bit bit shocked that our relationship is a lot enjoyable, and so robust, and exhibits each signal of continuous. Our households and buddies are “all in.”
Neither of us has a need to marry, mix funds, or cohabit. I assume you’d name us LTA’s (dwelling collectively, aside), which appears to be the most recent “factor” in senior relationships.
And but … one thing appears unfinished. A proper dedication? Yeah, if I am completely trustworthy, it might be good. I am unable to say precisely why, however I might actually treasure sporting his ring, and having him put on mine. Not marriage, however a proclamation about the way in which issues are between us.
Am I being shallow in asking for one thing a little bit bit extra everlasting? If he did not need to, I may let it go.
If I labored up the braveness to ask for a hoop, would he assume my request touching — or corny? — SENIOR-ITIS
DEAR SENIOR-ITIS: When my husband and I made a decision to get married, I stated, “Engagement rings are a young-woman’s sport. I do not assume I need one.” He stated, “Oh, you are getting a hoop, missy. And it’ll be lovely.” (I did, and it’s.)
My level is that there’s something a couple of ring. The best way it encircles your finger and reminds you of your dedication. Ask your man how he feels about exchanging rings.
DEAR AMY: “Simply Questioning” was bothered by his girlfriend texting backwards and forwards with a male co-worker.
I’m prepared to wager if a girl had written that letter, you’d have suggested in another way. If a person had been to obtain textual content messages ceaselessly from a feminine co-worker throughout off hours, I’m positive his feminine companion would have quite a bit to say about that … and many ladies would agree together with her.
Attempt being a bit extra equal along with your recommendation. — UPSET
DEAR UPSET: I asserted the girl’s proper to have a friendship, the person’s proper to have honesty and transparency from his companion, and anybody’s proper to ask their companion to restrict their texting.
You’ll be able to electronic mail Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You too can comply with her on Twitter @askingamy or Fb.